Hu? Teaser

INT. LAWYERS OFFICE- DAY

A lawyer walks in his office and sits at his desk. Two men hover over his desk waiting for his response.

LAWYER

Well boys, your Dad left some pretty specific instructions for yall here in this will.

The lawyer takes his glasses out and pushes them up on his nose.

LAWYER

To one of my sons Randall or Derrick, I leave my entire estates. This includes: the double wide trailer, all its contents inside, the one and a half acres the trailer sits on, my eighty seven Cutlas, and my most prized possession, the Big Rig 18 Wheeler. There is one important condition to this will. That condition is that since my boys have never been able to share anything in there life, they would probably just sale off my prized possessions and split up the cash. Therefore I am going to give them a challenge. The one who travels the most miles in a two week stretch across the united states delivering needed supplies will inherit it all. My long time friend Jimmy Dale will be in charge of providing the vehicles and supplies for the trip he will also determine the winner.

The lawyer looks up from the paper at the two brothers. He then glances back to the will.

LAWYER

Basically I want to see my two sons to get off their asses and do something good for other people and stop thinking about themselves for once. This contest starts the day after hearing my will. Good luck sons and may the road be your wisdom.

RANDALL

Well, shit. You hear that Derrick guess paw thought we’re lazy.

Randall is a tall chunky unshaven man in his forties. Derrick looks at his brother who is much smaller but, dressed in the same white trash fashion.

DERRICK

Well consider it all mine. What’s this Jimmy Dale’s contact number.

LAWYER

You will both be getting a packet in the mail tomorrow morning. Your father was very specific in his instructions. He has this competition planned out to the T.

RANDALL

I don’t know were he gets off calling us lazy. Hell, I’ve been a door greater at Wally World part time now for the past five years. At least Im standing. Hell, all he did was sit on his ass and drive shit somewhere.

DERRICK

Yeah, for twenty years. Don’t talk about our father like that.

RANDALL

What the fuck do you care? He used to beat you anyway.

Derrick looks down and scratches his head speechless.

DERRICK

Dad could be a fucking asshole but, he meant well. Now he wants to test us. He wants to see how bad we want his stuff.

RANDALL

Well, if it all has to go to someone I guess it ought to go to me. I’m the oldest.

DERRICK

Bullshit! I took more beatings from him than you did so, I think it ought go to me.

RANDALL

Screw you! You deserved those beatings. If you had’nt of been such a dumb ass you wouldn't have gotten smacked as much.

DERRICK

He used to smack me for drinking the last of the milk or eating too many cookies.

RANDALL

Cause your a fat ass.

The two begin to slap at each other. The lawyer presses play on a vcr.

MR SPIT (V.O.)

Knock it off you shit heads and pay attention.

DERRICK

Dad?

Derrick and Randall’s father is addressing his two sons from the hospital bed.

MR SPIT

Your two lazy bums that I’ve supported my whole life and not once have I seen the two of you do anything good for anyone other than yourselves. Hell! I’m dying in the hospital and I’m still waiting on that coffee the two of you were supposed to bring me five hours ago.

RANDALL

We had to brew it.

MR SPIT

Your whole life I have been sending you checks. My hard earned Money to support your habits and god knows what else. Now what do I have to show for it?

DERRICK

Two sons that love you.

Mr SPIT

Don’t you say two sons that love you. I know you just love money. You two boys are too selfish to love anyone other than yourselves. The sad thing is you two are just up the street somewhere at a bar getting drunk on my money. While I’m dying in this hospital.

RANDALL

What night did he film this.

MR SPIT

I have supported you this long because, I felt bad for beating the shit out of you when yall were younger. But, now your spoiled brats not men. I failed to raise you right in life so hopefully through my death you will learn to stand tall.

DERRICK

That was his favorite movie.

MR SPIT

That’s why I want you boys to compete for my last dime. I want to know if you two knuckle heads can find a home for over a million toys and canned foods. Jimmy Dale and I have been gathering for the past year over a million canned goods. That food needs to go to the starving family’s that deserve it. If at anytime during this contest you break the rules or do something other than what Jimmy Dale tells you than he gets it all. Now he’d rather see it go to one of my sons. The one that works the hardest for his fathers treasures. Now go to bed because this shit starts tomorrow.

The screen goes to black.

LAWYER

Well, there you have it guys that was your dad god rest his soul.

MR SPIT

And one more thing. Don’t be afraid to live before you die. Sometimes I wish I had just left your mother and taken some acid on a beach with some mexican prostitute. Guess there’s always heaven.

Mr. Spit smiles and fades into a picture of angles sitting on clouds.

RANDALL

Well I don’t know about you Derrick but, if dad thought we were two losers maybe we were.

Randall stands up.

RANDALL

If this is what he wants as his final wish I aim to let him down.

DERRICK

You aim not to let him down.

RANDALL

First thing I’m going to do is win this thing. I’m going to win this damn contest and you mark my words. Your fancy ass degree from that computer school don’t mean shit now. Cause, we driving now brother. You know I’ve been on the road longer than you. Don’t forget who Dad taught how to drive first.

DERRICK

Just cause your a year older than me don’t mean a god damn thing. I can run a rig better than you. I’m going to prove it and win that inheritance. Randall you aint shit and you never been shit. At least I have kids. A woman would’n fuck you if you were the last man on earth and she was the last woman alive and she was about to die.

RANDALL

First off you may have accomplished more in your life and women admire and respect you but, that doesn't mean nothing now. When I win Dad’s stuff I’m moving down to Mexico. There I’m going to buy a whore from an abusive pimp and show her what true love is. We will have a small family and live on the beach somewhere. I see it in my head clear as day!

Randall moves around the Lawyers office with built up rage.

DERRICK

Now As far as the competition goes, we going to see don’t you worry about that. If this thing starts tomorrow you can bet I’m going to be up there at Jimmy Dale’s seeing what the damn deal is.

RANDALL

You can expect a challenge.

DERRICK

You know what I’m kinda glad dad did this. It’s going to give me a chance to finally prove to him who’s the better son.