Two Shorts- "Diablo's Presents, and Room Mates"

INT. --APARTMENT ROOM-- DAY

A gruff smokey voice emerges from the thin air.

DIABLO

Hi my name is Diablo.

Diablo has purple hair black lips and a piercing everywhere you can put a hole. She flicks the ash from her cigarette in the large ash tray by her bed.

DIABLO

I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for six months. I want to see how he will act with children. I made the decision to get him a pet but, his placed charged for a pet deposit. He’s poor so you know how it goes I had to make do.

Diablo coughs and ashes her smoke.

DIABLO

I was trying to think of something cheap and thats when it clicked. I knew what I was going to get him for Christmas, the lord baby Jesus's birthday. I went to petco and picked out two adorable turtles. Of course I had to get him the bowl and some food. I let him name them. Smarty and Dum Dum. This is their story.

Chance holds a turtle in his hand looking it dead in the eyes. Chance is short kind of chubby and has tatoos up and down his arms.

CHANCE

Wow! These turtles are fucking cool.

Chance holds the turtle up then drops it and catches it before it hits the floor.

CHANCE

Oh shit! That was close. I really like these little guys.

DIABLO

Im glad you like them.

Chance moves the bowl to beside his computer resting on a table.

CHANCE

Im going to put them right up here so I can watch them while I work.

Diablo licks a joint and lights it. She then blows the smoke at chance’s face.

CHANCE

Uhm.

Chance takes the joint from Diablo's hand. He takes a puff from the joint and sends a cloud of smoke over the turtle bowl. The little turtles would cough in their bowl.

The room is constantly dark and the windows are sealed shut. The couple elope for several days. Constantly they would fuck then light up and turn on the fan.

For weeks Smarty and Dum Dum sit in the dark breathing the smokey enviroment.

Chance leans over the bowl.

CHANCE

Hey you think I can get the turtles High and teach them ninja moves.

Chance picks up a large bong and takes a deep rip with an extra breath on top the walks over to the turtle bowl blowing smoke into it while cupping his hands around his mouth.

He then luaghs as Diablo hands him a plate.

DIABLO

Put this over it.

CHANCE

Oh shit. Duh.

Chance puts the plate over the bowl and walks back over to the bed. He pretends to pass out and falls uncontrollably on to her.

CHANCE

I’m to stoned to move.

Diablo Lays under him and tries to push him off her but cannot budge him.

DIABLO

Are you too stoned to fuck me in the ass?

Chance smiles and the two start ripping each others clothes off as the turtles what them through a haze of weed smoke.

Months pass in a matter of minutes as bacteria begins to grow on the bowl.

DIABLO

Chance!

The toilet flushes.

CHANCE

What?

Diablo holds her nose as she feeds the turtles.

DIABLO

Its time to clean this bowl. It’s starting to smell.

CHANCE

Really? I don’t smell anything.

Chance picks the turtles out of the bowl.

CHANCE

Alright out you go little fellows.

Diablo lies awkwardly on the bed then curls up.

DIABLO

Do you have any insence.

CHANCE

There is a whole box of turkish ones under the sink in he bathroom.

DIABLO

I have to tell you something.

Chance is in the restroom digging under the sink and looking for the box.

CHANCE

Found them.

DIABLO

I’m pregnant.

Chance walks out of the restroom with a scared expression.

CHANCE

I want an abortion. I mean you have to get it. I don’t want nothing to do with a kid. Kill it.

DIABLO

I’m already three months in.

CHANCE

Well then give it up for adoption.

Chance lights up a smoke and hands it to Diablo.

CHANCE

I am going to punch you.

Chance punches Diablo in the stomach.

She curls up into a ball and begins to cry.

CHANCE

I told you to take those pills. Come on lets go get some ice cream.

Chance lights all the incense and sticks the bundle of them in the turtle bowl with the lit part up. He then helps her off the bed.

As the two walk out the room Chance turns on the fan whisking the smoke down on to Smarty who is dead and Dum Dum taking his last breath.

INT. RANDY AND TOMMY’S PAD- DAY

The odd couple is playing on a television as Randy enters the apartment through the front door.

RANDY

Damn it sure feels good to get home. Going on vacation is always awesome but, when you meet and amazing piece of ass it’s hard to top that.

Tommy, an athletic man with a beard and a bright Hawaiian shirt on, is cooking chili over the stove. He makes eye contact with his room mate through the bar in front of the kitchen.

TOMMY

So I’m guessing you had a good time.

RANDY

Her name is Monique. We are on the deck of the cruise ship dancing docked beside a beautiful island looking at the moon. Once we got on the island we swam under waterfalls naked.

TOMMY

I didn't think you would be back this early.

RANDY

I got back early.

TOMMY

Come her man.

Tommy walks up to Randy and shakes his hand.

TOMMY

I missed you man.

RANDY

Dude wait till you see Monique.

TOMMY

Monique?

RANDY

Yeah, the girl I met on the boat.

Randy Drops his bag on the floor and unzips the bag then pulls out a T-Shirt. He holds the T-Shirt up and smiles. The shirt says Florida keys.

TOMMY

Great Souvenir.

RANDY

You haven't even seen the best one I brought back.

Tommy continues to stir his boiling food then turns back around to look at Randy. Randy has his arm around a beautiful young lady named Monique. Tommy can not stop looking at her.

MONIQUE

Hi.

RANDY

Tommy I’d like you to meet my new girlfriend monique. She is going to be staying with us for a couple of weeks.

Tommy approaches her slowly then sticks out his hand.

TOMMY

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Tommy can’t take his eyes off Monique.

MONIQUE

Nice to meet you.

RANDY

Monique and I are going to get dinner. You should come if you don’t have any plans.

TOMMY

Well, I just cooked this chicken pasta. Your welcome to eat with me I made plenty.

RANDY

That’s cool definitely save me some. We were thinking more along the lines of Chinese.

TOMMY

Well, at least join me in a toast.

Tommy pulls out a red wine bottle then proceeds to take out the cork.

Randy and Monique head for Randy’s room.

RANDY

We’ll be right back Tommy.

TOMMY

No

POP! Randy immediately starts to pour the wine into three glass.

TOMMY

I want to purpose a toast.

Tommy hands Randy the glass of wine then Monique one.

TOMMY

I’m so glad Randy found you. I wish the two of you the best but, if he treats you wrong in any way you can come to me.

RANDY

Ha!

Randy chuckles and Monique looks at him with and awkward smile.

TOMMY

To best friends.

Tommy raises his glass and the three clink theirs together. Instead of taking a drink Monique grabs Randy and kisses him. She looks at Tommy and he stares back at her.

MONIQUE

Honey, I’m not feeling well. I’m going to go lay down.

RANDY

I thought you were hungry.

MONIQUE

Not anymore.

MONIQUE

Which one is your room honey.

Tommy points down the hall.

TOMMY

His is on the left.

Monique opens Randy’s door then walks into his room and lays down on the bed.

TOMMY

Ok, well see you guys tomorrow.

INT. RANDY’S ROOM- NIGHT

The lights are off and the stereo is on. The two are making passionate love under the covers. Monique begins to moan and Rany does too as they climax together.

Right on the other side of Randy’s door is Tommy listening to them have sex as he pulls on his groin.

INT. RANDY’S ROOM- MORNING

Randy walks into his room with a towel around his waist and one over his shoulder.

RANDY

Good Morning sexy.

Monique yawns and rolls over in the bed.

RANDY

I left the shower running for you.

Randy takes off his wet towel and throws it on Moniques face. She takes the towel off and smiles at him. Monique jumps out of bed and twirls the towel up and starts to pop it at Randy.

RANDY

You hit me with that and it will be the last mistake of your life.

Randy grabs her wrist and pulls her close to him and the two begin to kiss. The front door suddenly slams. The two look at each other and begin laughs.

There is a knock on Randy’s door.

RANDY

Hello?

Monique looks at the door then covers her breast as the door knob slightly turns.

Randy walks up to the door and a piece of paper is slid under the door. Randy walks up to the piece of paper and reads it.

RANDY

Breakfast is ready and the cable guy is coming by at three.

Randy opens his door and the front door closes at the same time.

MONIQUE

I get the sense that Tommy doesn't like.

RANDY

Don’t worry about him sweet heart. We have been friends for a long time I’m sure he understands just give him a week to get used to you.

INT. GROCERY STORE- DAY

Tommy walks down the halls with a basket. The basket is full of over the counter prescription medications. He walks to the pharmacies counter.

TOMMY

Hey I’m helping my nephew with his bug collection. Do you have any small gage needles. The bugs have to be in perfect condition.

PHARMACIST

Yeah. This is the smallest gage we got.

TOMMY

I’ll take ten of them. Thanks and uh, do you know where I can find some antifreeze.

PHARMACIST

The automotive department. Back and to your left.

INT. TOMMY AND RANDY’S PAD- DAY

Tommy walks in with several bags of groceries. Randy and Monique are on the couch watching a movie.

TOMMY

Sup guys.

Randy and Monique laugh and tickle each other as Tommy walks to his room with several double bagged groceries.

RANDY

Hey buddy let me help with that.

TOMMY

No, don’t get up this is all I have. I got it. Enjoy your movie.

RANDY

If I would have know you were going to the store I would have give you some change to pick me up a few things.

TOMMY

I can go again.

RANDY

Don’t worry. What did you get?

TOMMY

Oh, just some shampoo, toothpaste and some Tylenol nothing too important.

RANDY

How about dinner tonight do you have any plans.

TOMMY

Well, I have to get up real early Tomorrow so maybe sometime next week. I’m going to be swamped the rest of the week.

RANDY

Ok, well let me know because Monique and I are thinking about ordering something.

Tommy walks into his room and locks the door he then pulls a box out from under the bed and begins to stash the needles and medicine in it.

It is late at night and Tommy is wearing a mask over his mouth as he begins to make a concoction from pouring several different medicines together with a cap full of antifreeze. Tommmy takes a needle and sucks up the liquid then squirts 5 cc,s into a gatorade bottle. Tommy scoops gatorade mix on top of it then fills the bottle up with water and stirs.

INT. TOMMY AND RANDY’S PAD- DAY

Randy comes in the apartment sweating from his run. He pulls open the fridge door and pulls out the bottle of gatorade and begins to chug on it.

RANDY

Ahh. Man that run really drained me.

Tommy comes from around the corner and looks at Randy.

RANDY

Did you make this gatorade?

TOMMY

Yeah I made it last night.

RANDY

It tastes a little bitter you should put some more sugar in it.

TOMMY

Ok.

RANDY

I got three hours before I got to go to work. I’m just going to take a little nap before I go in.

TOMMY

Do you want me to wake you up?

RANDY

I’ll set my alarm but, If you are going to be around in a few hour so give my door a knock.

Randy walks into his room. Tommy approaches the door way.

TOMMY

Where is Monique?

RANDY

She went shopping She will be back in a bit. Hey do me a favor and shut my door for me if you can. Thanks.

Tommy pulls The door shut leaving just a small gap.

Tommy looks at his watch then at the nearly empty gatorade bottle on the counter.

Exactly an hour has passed and Tommy walks into Randy’s room. He pushes Randy’s face then picks up his hand and check for a pulse.

Tommy Drags Randy’s body into his room and begins to stuff him in the Closet. The door begins to unlock and Tommy puts his hand over his mouth.

TOMMY

He gave her a key. Randy we were doing so good why did you have to bring her into this.

Tommy rushes out of his room and greets Monique after closing his door.

TOMMY

Hey!

MONIQUE

Hi.

Monique smiles and closes the door then walks to the fridge.

MONIQUE

I don’t know about you but I am thirsty.

TOMMY

There is some gatorade in there.

Monique pulls out a beer.

MONIQUE

Want a beer?

RANDY

No I’m good.

MONIQUE

Come on I don’t want to drink alone.

TOMMY

Ok.

She hands him a beer then smiles flirtatiously at him.

TOMMY

I think Randy is still out on his jog.

MONIQUE

That’s cool. That will give you and me a chance to get to know each other.

TOMMY

What do you want to know.

MONIQUE

Is he your best friend.

TOMMY

I love him like a brother.

MONIQUE

Do you always cook breakfast for him?

TOMMY

Everyday.

MONIQUE

Yall don’t switch?

TOMMY

Randy isn’t up as early as me.

Tommy approaches Monique closer than her comfort zone.

MONIQUE

Who is the better hitter?

Tommy’s Eye’s widen.

MONIQUE

He said yall played ball together since high school. He also said he would choose you to be the best man at his wedding.

Tommy chugs on the beer.

TOMMY

Well if you must know I had the better RBI but, he hit more home runs. I guess you’d have to see my swing to really know.

The two share a giggle and Monique pulls out another beer then hands it to

MONIQUE

Something smells, good are you cooking?

TOMMY

I got a bird in the oven and It should be ready in a half an hour.

MONIQUE

Uhm. Sounds good. I might have some of that.

TOMMY

If your lucky.

Monique starts to walk toward Randy’s room. Tommy walks over to the couch and picks up a bat that is covered with signatures.

TOMMY

I want you to look at something.

MONIQUE

I was just going to lay something down real quick.

TOMMY

No you weren't I really wish you would stop lying.

Monique smiles and looks at Tommy’s serious expression and does not know whether to take him serious or not.

TOMMY

I want you to do something for me Monique. I want you to just close your eyes for one second.

Monique closes her eyes and Tommy lifts the bat up to her stomach then her breast.

TOMMY

Touch it.

She feels the bat against her face with her eyes closed.

TOMMY

Now imagine hitting twenty seven home runs with this bat. That is how many we hit together.

She opens her eyes.

TOMMY

Now imagine your head is the ball.

Tommy swings and crushes the side of Monique’s skull.

TOMMY

Turkey’s ready.

The timer dings and Tommy looks at the oven.

INT. TOMMY’S PAD- NIGHT

The candles are lit and Randy sits across Monique at the dinner table. Both are extremely dead and butt ass naked.

Tommy lifts his glass of wine.

TOMMY

I’m glad we could finally find time to have this dinner guys. Heres to being room mates for a long time.

Thanks for Reading,

Jacob Jones