Big Rig

INT. LAWYERS OFFICE- DAY

A lawyer walks in his office.

LAWYER

Randall, Derrick.

Two men hover over his desk.

LAWYER

Well boys, your Dad left some pretty specific instructions for yall here in this will.

The lawyer takes out his glasses.

RANDALL

Did he cut me off?

out and pushes them up on his nose.

LAWYER

To one of my sons Randall or Derrick, I leave my entire estates. This includes: the double wide trailer, all its contents inside, the one and a half acres the trailer sits on, my eighty seven Cutlas, and my most prized possession, the Big Rig 18 Wheeler. There is one important condition to this will. That condition is that since my boys have never been able to share anything in there life, they would probably just sale off my prized possessions and split up the cash. Therefore I am going to give them a challenge. The one who travels the most miles in a two week stretch across the united states delivering needed supplies will inherit it all. My long time friend Jimmy Dale will be in charge of providing the vehicles and supplies for the trip he will also determine the winner.

The lawyer looks up from his desk.

DERRICK

For God’s sake what does this mean.

RANDALL

Well, shit head I think it’s pretty clear he wants the best son to have it all.

He then glances back to the will.

LAWYER

Basically I want to see my two sons to get off their asses and do something good for other people and stop thinking about themselves for once. This contest starts the day after hearing my will. Good luck boys and may the road be your wisdom.

RANDALL

Well, shit. You hear that Derrick guess Dad thought we’re lazy.

Randall (forty seven year old) - is a tall chunky unshaven man.

DERRICK

Well consider it all mine. What’s this Jimmy Dale’s contact number.

Derrick (forty seven years old) - looks at his brother who is much smaller but, dressed in the same white trash fashion.

LAWYER

You will both be getting a packet in the mail tomorrow morning. Your father was very specific in his instructions. He has this competition planned out to the T.

RANDALL

I don’t know were he gets off calling us lazy. Hell, I’ve been a door greater at Wally World part time now for the past five years. At least Im standing. Hell, all he did was sit on his ass and drive shit somewhere.

DERRICK

Yeah, for twenty years. Don’t talk about our father like that. Besides he got you that greater job.

RANDALL

I hate it. What the fuck do you care? He used to beat you anyways.

Derrick looks down and scratches his head speechless.

DERRICK

Dad could be a fucking asshole but, he meant well. Now he wants to test us. He wants to see how bad we want his stuff.

Randall moves to the door.

RANDALL

Well, if it all has to go to someone I guess it ought to go to me. I’m the oldest.

DERRICK

Bullshit! I took more beatings from him than you did so, I think it ought go to me.

Randall points at Derrick.

RANDALL

Screw you! You deserved those beatings. If you hadn't of been such a dumb ass you wouldn't have gotten smacked as much.

The two start to punch each other.

DERRICK

He used to smack me for eating too much meat loaf, drinking the last of the milk, or one for holding one of his donuts too long.

RANDALL

Cause your a fat ass.

The lawyer presses play on a vcr.

MR SPIT (V.O.)

Knock it off you shit heads and pay attention.

DERRICK

Dad?

Derrick and Randall’s father is in a hospital bed addressing his two sons.

MR SPIT

Your two lazy bums that I’ve supported my whole life and not once have I seen the two of you do anything good for anyone other than yourselves. Hell! I’m dying in the hospital and I’m still waiting on that coffee the two of you were supposed to bring me five hours ago.

RANDALL

We had to brew it.

MR SPIT

Your whole life I have been sending you checks. My hard earned Money to support your habits and god knows what else. Now what do I have to show for it?

DERRICK

Two sons that love you.

Mr SPIT

Don’t you say two sons that love you. I know you just love money. You two boys are too selfish to love anyone other than yourselves. The sad thing is you two are just up the street somewhere at a bar getting drunk on my money. While I’m dying in this hospital.

RANDALL

What night did he film this.

MR SPIT

I have supported you this long because, I felt bad for beating the shit out of you when yall were younger. But, now your spoiled brats not men. I failed to raise you right in life so hopefully through my death you will learn to stand tall.

DERRICK

That was his favorite movie.

MR SPIT

That’s why I want you boys to compete for my last dime. I want to know if you two knuckle heads can find a home for over a million toys and canned foods. Jimmy Dale and I have been gathering for the past year over a million canned goods. That food needs to go to the starving family’s that deserve it. If at anytime during this contest you break the rules or do something other than what Jimmy Dale tells you than he gets it all. Now he’d rather see it go to one of my sons. The one that works the hardest for his fathers treasures. Now go to bed because this shit starts tomorrow.

The screen goes to black.

LAWYER

Well, there you have it guys that was your dad god rest his soul.

MR SPIT

And one more thing. Don’t be afraid to live before you die. Sometimes I wish I had just left your mother and taken some acid on a beach with some mexican prostitute. Guess there’s always heaven.

Mr. Spit smiles and fades into a picture of angles sitting on clouds.

RANDALL

Well I don’t know about you Derrick but, if dad thought we were two losers maybe we were.

Randall stands up.

RANDALL

If this is what he wants as his final wish I aim to let him down.

DERRICK

You aim not to let him down.

RANDALL

First thing I’m going to do is win this thing. I’m going to win this damn contest and you mark my words. Your fancy ass degree from that computer school don’t mean shit now. Cause, we driving now brother. You know I’ve been on the road longer than you. Don’t forget who Dad taught how to drive first.

DERRICK

Just cause your a year older than me don’t mean a god damn thing. I can run a rig better than you. I’m going to prove it and win that inheritance. Randall you aint shit and you never been shit. At least I have kids. A woman would’n fuck you if you were the last man on earth and she was the last woman alive and she was about to die.

RANDALL

First off you may have accomplished more in your life and women admire and respect you but, that doesn't mean nothing now. When I win Dad’s stuff I’m moving down to Mexico. There I’m going to buy a whore from an abusive pimp and show her what true love is. We will have a small family and live on the beach somewhere. I see it in my head clear as day!

Randall moves around the Lawyers office with built up rage.

DERRICK

Now As far as the competition goes, we going to see don’t you worry about that. If this thing starts tomorrow you can bet I’m going to be up there at Jimmy Dale’s seeing what the damn deal is.

RANDALL

You can expect a challenge.

DERRICK

You know what I’m kinda glad dad did this. It’s going to give me a chance to finally prove to him who’s the better son.

RANDALL

Well I hope you get some rest fucker cuase it’s on now.

DERRICK

Shits been on Randall.

Randall walks out the door.

DERRICK

It’s been on our entire lives.

Derrick looks at the Lawyer who is eating a sandwich.

LAWYER

You boys have some serious issues with your father. I know a great therapist that might be able to help.

DERRICK

I don’t know what it is my father has planned but, I’m going to win. That’s what I always do.

EXT. DOUBLE WIDE TRAILER- DAY

Text: Twenty years ago.

Two boys, Randall and Derrick, play football in the front yard with their father.

DERRICK

Touchdown!

Randall screams in agony as Derrick dances.

RANDALL

Ah! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Shit! Shit!

his father runs up to hi five Derrick.

DERRICK

You just can’t run as fast as me. I’m seven touch downs ahead of you Randall just forget it. This games in the bag.

RANDALL

No!

Randall hits himself on the head seven times.

MR SPIT

Your just killing your brain cells boy you need those.

RANDALL

I don’t care I’m a dumbass anyways. I’m tired of losing.

DERRICK

Why your getting so good at it.

Derrick dances around his brother.

MR SPIT

Alright boys lets take a break.

INT. DOUBLEWIDE TRAILER- DAY

The two brothers are sitting in the living room.

MR SPIT

What are you farts watching? Cartoons!

Their father comes in and turns off the tv.

DERRICK

Dad come on.

MR SPIT

What did you just say to me.

Derrick looks at the floor terrified.

MR SPIT

I’ve had enough of those fucking cartoons. The news is about to come on.

The boys start to walk out of the room sulking.

MR SPIT

Get back here. I want yall to play a game.

Their father holds up a jalapeño.

MR SPIT

Whoever can eat a whole one of these and go the longest without water is the toughest and deserves the most respect.

The boys walk towards the Jalepeno.

MR SPIT

Oh it’s its hot. This is how you prove your a man. Remember boys if you think it aint hot hard enough you can make it true.

The boys are writhing in agony as their father laughs hysterically.

MR SPIT

You did’nt think it would be that hot did ya.

DERRICK

Water!

MR SPIT

What you want your brother to beat you.

Randall’s got his hand in his mouth.

MR SPIT

Randall get your hand out of your mouth. Your trying to cheat and drink your sweat.

Randall runs to the kitchen sink and dips his head under the faucet.

RANDALL

It’s hot!

He starts to drink the water.

DERRICK

It burns!

Derrick follows him.

MR SPIT

You two are the biggest pussies. Sometimes you make ashamed. It’s like I have two girls.

INT. DERRICK’S ROOM- MORNING

A long loud horn wakes Derrick up in his bed.

JIMMY DALE

Look out. Lets go!

He opens the front door and Parked in the drive way is a large eighteen wheeler.

JIMMY DALE

Wake your ass up

Jimmy Dale (52 years old) - wearing wranglers and boots, jumps down from the truck and pulls up his pants.

DERRICK’S DRIVEWAY- MORNING

DERRICK

My neighbors can’t get out.

JIMMY DALE

What?

Jimmy Dale puts his hand around his ear as if he can’t hear.

DERRICK

Your blocking in my neighbrs.

JIMMY DALE

Fuck them.

DERRICK

I’m sorry what?

JIMMY DALE

Your father just died and our worried about some fucking neighbors. You know our dad was so ashamed of you boys that he wanted to give me everything but, I said it just wouldn't be right not to at least give you two a chance to do some good. Now listen I’m going to tell your brother here in the next half hour. I expect to see both of yall at my transport dock ready to rig up by noon.

NEIGHBOR

Hey! Your Parked on my lawn!

Jimmy Dale just ignores her and continues talking to Derrick.

JIMMY DALE

Your father’s stuff was worth well over a million dollars. He has alot of antiques plus the rig alone has custom mods all over it. It’s the best damn rig I’ve ever seen.

The neighbor approaches Jimmy Dale.

NEIGHBOR

Who do you think you are sir?

Jimmy Dale whips around and punches the woman in the nose.

JIMMY DALE

I’m Jimmy Dale bitch and nobody runs up on me like that with a knife in their hands. You see that boy one punch knock out.

Derrick is on his knees checking his neighbors pulse.

DERRICK

She didn't even have a knife Jimmy.

JIMMY DALE

It’s Jimmy Dale mother fucker don’t forget the Dale.

He whips out a knife from his pocket and puts it in the woman’s hand.

DERRICK

What the fuck did you just do?

JIMMY DALE

First rule of truck driver school always carry a knife. Or, have you forgotten your training?

DERRICK

I remember truck driving school put nobody is going to believe this. She still has a pulse and if she does’nt wake up in the next hour here husband comes home from his night shift and he will see her laying here. Man you did’nt have to do this Jimmy Dale.

JIMMY DALE

Relax you just worry about the competition I’ll have this bitch.

Jimmy Dale picks up the neighbor and starts to drag her to his truck.

DERRICK

Are you going to take her to the hospital.

JIMMY DALE

Right after I take her to the woods and burry her.

DERRICK

Please don’t do that.

JIMMY DALE

Well you said it yourself. No one would belive me.

DERRICK

Thats not true Jimmy Dale they would you just need to cut yourself to make it more believable.

JIMMY DALE

I’m not cutting myself but, your right. I need to make it look like there was a struggle.

He picks her up and begins to act as if she is attacking him. He makes her limp hand slowly start to poke him with the knife then drops her body back down.

JIMMY DALE

You just don’t be late.

Jimmy dale hops back in his truck and drives off knocking down some mailboxes in the road.

EXT. ROAD- DAY

Jimmy Dale is standing beside and eighteen wheeler. He points at the Camera.

JIMMY DALE

Hi I’m Jimmy Dale, President and owner of Dale moving company. Here at Dale Transport you can trust us to move the most weight at the fastest rate. If you find someone better I’ll shave my mustache. I’ve had this mustache for twenty years and I don’t intend on shaving it for anyone.

Jimmy touches his mustache.

INT. JIMMY DALE’S OFFICE- NOON

Jimmy Dale hits stop on the vcr and looks at Randall and Derrick.

JIMMY DALE

What do you think?

DERRICK

It was great. I didn't know your mustache was that old.

JIMMY DALE

I don’t shave my beard or my balls for no one but, my x wife made me get a Brazilian wax every four months and I’ve never been able to grow a full beard.

RANDALL

I have a Mr. Belvidear.

DERRICK

What’s that.

RANDALL

It’s a mustache right above your penis. I shave it all but the Belvidear.

Randall shows his crotch hair.

JIMMMY DALE

Listen Boys. I got two rigs the ones you boys were driving when you were eighteen. You thought you were too good to follow in your father foot steps now look at you. Don’t forget boys driving is in your blood it’s what your born to do.

DERRICK

When do we start?

JIMMY DALE

Now.

RANDALL

I can’t start now. I have kids.

JIMMY DALE

That slut you called a wife left you and took them kids two years ago.

RANDALL

She went on vacation.

JIMMY DALE

For two years. She’s fucking another man move on. It’s nice to see you boys still have’nt changed. Still a couple of pussies with no clue.

DERRICK

Hey! I went to college.

JIMMY DALE

A year in community Jr. College and you failed out.

RANDALL

She did’nt leave me she’s coming back.

JIMMY DALE

Your dad told me he’s been paying your child support and both of your rents for the better part of his life. You two are lazy and if you think you are going to weasel out of your fathers last dying wish you got another thing coming. I’ll keep that inheritance. I’ll feel nice about it too.

JIMMY DALE

The rules are in an envelope sitting on your passenger seat. It’s time for you boys to saddle back up and get ready to haul again.

RANDALL

Listen I can’t drive again my class C expired years ago.

JIMMY DALE

We’ll get you a fake one. Listen if you think for once you can pussy out of this I’ll give everything to your brother. That goes for you too derrick. Don’t fuck with me boys or both of yall will get nothing. Your father made that clear in his will.

DERRICK

Alright if it starts today it fucking starts today.

JIMMY DALE

That’s more like it. Derrick your rig is in the south lot. It’s fueled up and ready to ride. Here.

Jimmy Dale tosses Derrick a pair of keys.

DERRICK

Alright I’m gearing up see you in a different time zone.

JIMMY DALE

Now are you going to grow some balls like you brother.

RANDALL

I’m starting to wonder if Dad’s shit is worth all of this.

JIMMY DALE

It’s not about your fathers shit. It’s about beating your brother. Your going to just sit back and let him show you up. I know your father would have wanted you do this not for him or his stuff but for the the needy families that will benifit from the need food and supplies you guys will be delivering. Hell this is a charity gig Randall. Why don’t you stop thinking about yourself for once.

Jimmy Dale tosses a pair of keys to Randall.

JIMMY DALE

Catch!

The keys hit the ground.

RANDALL

I just caint do this.

JIMMY DALE

Damn it Randy the pansy. Are you telling me your going to let your father down.

RANDALL

I’m sorry dad I haven't driven in so long. I just don’t know if I can.

Jimmy Dale stares at Randall furiously.

JIMMY DALE

You going to regret this boy. Now drop to your knees and pick those fucking keys up or I’ll make sure you see none of your dead Dad’s cash. Just test me!

Randall drops to his knees.

JIMMY DALE

Pick those keys up and do what you were born to do.

Derrick drives by in his eighteen wheeler.

DERRICK

Looks like your just going to hand it all over.

Randall picks up the keys and looks over at his brother.

RANDALL

I know you haven't forgot what it’s like to lose.

Derrick laughs and puts the rig in gear.

JIMMY DALE

Don’t go! Yall have to leave at the same time.

DERRICK

Yeah you just going to have to take what I give you after I win our father’s respect.

JIMMY DALE

If his spirit saw you hesitate on this chance to help needy children at Christmas it sure would’nt help your chances of getting in heaven. Lord knows you’ve been sinnin boy.

Randall looks at Jimmy Dale.

JIMMY DALE

Good luck.

RANDALL

It’s on. Praise the Lord all needy children look out Santa Cluase is on his way.

Randall starts walking down the lot past several eighteen wheelers as he picks up speed.

JIMMY DALE

Five more minutes!

Randall finds his truck and starts it up.

DERRICK

Alright can I go yet.

Jimmy Dale nods.

EXT. PARKING LOT- DAY

Randall chirps an alarm on a large eighteen wheeler truck. He opens the door and jumps in the cab.

INT. RANDALL’S RIG- DAY

Randall takes a deep breath and cranks up his rig. The large truck roars and Randall flips on his CB unit.

RANDALL

What?

Randall picks up an envelope and opens it. He pulls out a sheet of paper and a tape. He then inserts the tape and the sheet of paper is a picture of the boys beside their father’s truck several years ago.

JIMMY DALE (V.O.)

Alright your mission is clear. It’s not about the speed or quickness of your driving. Well shit, I guess it is a little. We need you boys to make stops in forty eight states in the U. S. of A. All in about two weeks. At each drop point you will receive another load for the next stop. As you travel from city to city it is real important that you keep a low profile and get plenty of rest. We are channel four and you can fill in the rest. You got two smokey’s and two bandits. They will be clearing up the road and letting you ride free. You know you boys did good for doing this for your Paw. Don’t get ahead of yourself now boys. Don’t lose the real reason your doing this. It’s not for the inheritance, it’s for the road and the memories of your Paw. Well see you boys when you return may the best brother win.

Randall pulls out a picture of his dad and kisses it then sticks it on the glass by the speedometer. Randall turns the keys and the giant truck roars. He flips the switch to turn his CB on.

DERRICK (V.O.)

Whoo hoo! Big digger Derrick here on the waves. I’m just checking to see if my pussy as brother decided to grow a pair.

RANDALL

This is Road House wheel hands Randall letting his older brother know he’s got a ways to go before he can start talking shit.

JIMMY DALE (V.O.)

Maybe we should just get the sleep hours straight right now. I want you to get 8 hours a day. You can sleep at the drop points. Nap for an hour then get to the next drop. Remember these kids and starving and need this supplies.

RANDALL

I read you Jimmy Dale. Over.

EXT. RANDALL’S RIG- DAY

Randall heads down the highway.

RANDALL

This be raw dawg Randall on the mike who’s the beef?

Randall adjusts his chair and other knobs in the truck.

SMOKEY

Smokey on the mic. give me beef but, I’d rather have a beer.